:) this smile plastered on my face!

:)
hehe!
:)
:))
:)))

All smiles....why?
well got to know something so reassuring that well just cannot get this expression off my face
Somebody considers me family :P
hehe! hehe!hey hey hey!!!
yipppie yipppie yay!

Thanks T!
Thanks T's D
Thanks G (as in Thank God :)
:))
:))))

S, i want to share this with you!

On the other side of 30

I celebrated my 30th Birthday last week on Tuesday.
Well don't gawk at the 'figure'! And just in case you are thinking about curves move over!
It is the 'figure' 30 that am referring to!

I feel 30, just that 30 is not an age which is defined as 'old' by any standards (surely not by my standards)
For some reason though, people declare 'THIRTY!!!!'...as 'o...ld' and phrases like,
"hmm..so you are now brinking on 30 huh!" OR "how does it feel to be..ahem..'On the other side of 30'??!!"
....ring all about!


On the other side of 30!
they ask me? I answer:
I see a whole new world

On the other side of 30 I see
Permanency
Stability
Financial independence and a firm foothold in my career
Steadied emotional anchorage
Maturity strengthened with experience

Indeed..A whole new world
A new beginning!


I am grateful to God, truly grateful to give me wide experiences, varied in nature..

Let me tell you a little about my birthday...and the bitter sweet run-up to it..


Got a special midnight treat
As I was with someone sweet!
And then a score,
spent standing outside my home door!

Special elders slept through the midnight wishes
While I shed a tear as was really missing my sisses!
With the bright sun came morning
And was showered with blessings

Love, hugs and kisses
made up for all the misses :)

While i wore dabs of satinny orange on a black beautiful cover,
My friend beautiful gave me a top satinny, lots of flower
Expecting the day from bitter to sweet a range
half a wonderful day at work, what a change!

The last working quarter came with lilies and roses
A cake to cut and many a birthday proses
A call sudden but wonderful announced a special entry
And I ran down, covered six floors from the pantry

Comments on how I carry my dress
Feelings mixed, angered happiness
Special someone sat beside Daffy Lean
Waiting for me to take him to oriental cuisine

A round of reconciling...to and fro's
Half smiles and half furrowed brows
Forgiven, forgotten, misunderstandings clear
Its lovely to have by your side someone very very dear

Contemplating what after the Lovely munch,
Should it be the big screen - "When we met"
or time with each other maybe books a bunch?
Aromatic being, Books, Poetry, Coffee...., totally swept!

Followed by prayer for the new born girl
and an overwhelmingly cute birthday jingle
Walking up home with that someone special
Did not know what was in store..? Truly exceptional

A connection, an apparel,
A good read, fragrance, lots of sparkle!
Her cake, the very best!
3 generations! aint I blessed :)

Aaah too early to have taken rest
My bearer asked me to take the bump test!
So 30 in all is what I got
loads of fun with pain was fraught :)

You must be seeing all the smiles now
Its because by then I had started to wonder 'WOW!
And then with my predecessor's predecessor
Went to have our evening chow!

Special someone was so much family
Unspokenly accepted, the path now less up-hilly
Another wonderful couple friend joined
Happy Beginnings were slowly coined!

Thank you One and Thank you All
For making it big, a thing so small.
I love the fact that we are together
Was in the air, just like a feather

Feather to wings, it won't take time
Higher and higher, a tough climb
Flying, the sky of happiness we will find
Locked into togetherness we shall bind

That's how was my day of birth
30 years ago when I landed on earth
was it a stork, or from heaven i fell
don't know, but when its over in this very earth I'll gell

Teer-e-Ishq

Was going through Atishbazi's blog. What a superb shayar he is...
What I have written has been inspired by someone else, but the spark is attributed to AtishBazi
Aaah! also can't forget the push that Rhea's blog entry on her uncle's shayari gave to me

Arz Hai...

"dard-e-ishq tera bhi jawaab nahi!
maar daala hume ye haqeeqat hai khwaab nahi!
agar hai khwaab to khwaab main hi jee lene do,
aisi zindagi se kya jahaan teer-e-ishq aar paar nahi!"

Revel in Blood?

One's blood another's taste
One's a beast another's chaste

One's meat another's meal..
One's pain the other does not feel..

Some not aware of the pain they go through
Some aware yet continuing to chew

Sucking blood, gory sight,
To pacify the palate,their plight
We are stronger let's show our might!

Revel in their beats stopping, beasts that we are,
Cut them through not knowing its no other than us who we scar

You may ask though...
Greens, don't they have life? they do
Don't they feel the pain? of course that too

But its not just about choosing the lesser evil of the two,
Its also about choosing what nature sought us best to do
We are not meant to eat veal,
Our bodies this clearly reveal

Our constitution doesn't allow us to eat meat,
Else we would have had it raw
unlike the greens that we can have as per nature's law.

Our anatomy and taxonomy
Say we are closest to fruit eaters
Eating meat, fish and flesh
It is clear that Nature deters

Our Teeth, our Jaws, our Belly our Juices
all are meant for processing green
If you don't believe me yet,
go through these links, and you'll see what I mean!


http://www.tierversuchsgegner.org/wiki/index.php?title=Taxonomy
http://www.ourkarnataka.com/madhwakalyana/vegetarian.htm

Ecstatic!

My ecstasy knows no bounds...
what do you do, when you cannot be happier?
how do you stay planted firmly on the ground?

Its ok, is it not to at times fly..
to feel lighter as the weight lifts?
and walk two inches above the ground?
its ok, it is, up until the focus shifts..

One hurdle crossed, left in stead is the other
as we have crossed this, so will we tide over another
belief in God and in self, all will hold us in good stead
creating momentum enough for us to tide over the rest

I look forward to the days as they close in,
weeks, months fly past and you are heard over the din
of the constant humdrum that, "can't choose for yourself, hey you!"
I look forward to the days when what you have chosen is what they want too!

This Wait... weight...

This wait...weight...

As passes this day and approaches the eve
I wonder what the outcome will be.

This wait...weight..

Will this eve bring relief..or will there be strife yet
I wonder shall work be mine or will it be fret?

This wait...weight...

When you are connected, there is no disconnect
Whats at that end, at this end does affect.

This wait...weight...

I pray for you...you- my end, my beginning
Believe there will be a change tomorrow with the sun rising.

I want you to know that I will sleep today as the sun sets
with the hope of this wait ending...the weight lifting off us...
know I will rise tomorrow with hope in my eyes and love in my heart even if tomorrow may not come tomorrow,
...every morning, every night....

Gesture...Red...Fragrant...

Made aware of

....his entry
....his presence
....his absence
....his permanence
....his importance
....his love
....my love

By his Gesture...Fragrant and Red...

Filling up my life...

I want to..

The weather is beautiful today and I just don't feel like working. Just one of those days..actually its not 'just' one of those days. Its a day when the rain gods have been very kind. The sun has not been seen since my waking hour today.

So we have decided to celebrate by ordering food (Papa John's pizzazzzz, to be precise) in the office as well as wrap up work by 4 pm today and go out for movie, shopping or just go gallavanting... Its not a day to work...no!

I added my share of celebration by sitting and writing new blogs and completing old ones, finishing incomplete mails, missing people I love and generally wishing they were with me today.

Nunu, Di, my nieces...I miss you
Ted...i miss you

you know what my idea of celebrating is ...definitely not having pizzas or going to the malls or movies...no...
you know what I want to do?

I want to go to the water park today
I want to go for a long drive
I want to be gifted beautiful flowers
I want to be lifted high up in the air
I want to fly off a cliff
I want to run in the wild
I want to dance away in your arms
I want go to the sunflower fields with mudzy
I want to have this day to myself and for all those who I love
I want it to last...
so that when you come back I can do all this with you..

You know what?
Its a pleasant day, but something is amiss....
you..

If Past = Present then Future Tense?

Build a future on a past?
How long do you think will that last?

How can, one build a future on a past?

Yours or someone else's how does it matter
One comes first and follows then the latter

Life a string of moments lived each moment
Don't let past be it's degrading rodent

Present, let that be a gift

Wrapped in beautiful colours, a pretty ribbon
Be prepared to face, when you pull that open,

The chasms, the skies, depths and heights
Love and hate, and glory and spite

Take it all in your stride

Woman! Remember, if Past = Present
Your Future will always be Tense!

Just learn lessons from the past

Treat it as a Gift, a Present and
Build your future to make it last!

Each Encounter Has A Reason.. Does it????

Something i often wonder about .....people enter your life,

Stay on, some for a little while, some for a longer while , some who you were destined to be with all your life.

and leave imprints ...some deep, some light enough to be sanded off with the winds of time., some beautiful motifs, some just merge with you while others just add another shade to you. at other times leaving beautiful sceneries of life...mountains...echoes..

Some as deep as ocean, some as high as sky, some as vast as space, some as small as atom...but each has a reason..

and then there are some who move out,
some of them leave scratches, some leave craters,
some.... nothing.

Some people who enter, are mysteries..... those that you don't want to solve,
Some who you want to be solved by,
Some who you want to explore,
Some who make you implore...
Some people make you wonder..

Some bring out the best in you
Some of them the worst

Some make you uncomfortable
Some too comfortable for words...

The reason may be revealed later
But all encounters have a reason...

Some enter too early in life
Some too late

Some are fullstops, some are commas, some apostrophes, some semi colons, some even accents

But.....there is one, only one entry...an (!) exclamation followed by continuity (...) and so on'

Timeless...Priceless...
Leaves you
Speechless...breathless...
Fills you with wonderment, excitement...
Emotions.. love and passion,
Joy, Togetherness,
Want, Limitlessness

One that is Eternal....

Reason...?
Reason...?
Reason...?
The encounter which cannot be reasoned...

That..
..is Love

Fly Away My Little Birdie

As I see my little darling being packed off -my little baby, a woman
As she dances herself into her happiness - her beau
As her life takes another turn - her journey
My heart cries out to her- our separation
Cries out of happiness - their togetherness
Cries out of a happy pain - tears
And I dance her away into her happiness - my dream

My little baby, A Woman
Her Beau
Her Journey
Our Separation
Their Togetherness
Tears
My Dream

A want to have been able to spend more time with her

Wonder how I'd be able to choose my colors without her nod or her nay;
The trial rooms will seem alien to me and the mirrors willl not understand my language;
Our room will keep wondering where is my other half;
My sight will search for her all over...

Will she ever come back as the same naughty girl who will make me search her up and down all around the house, until I will finally find her waiting for me in my own almirah replete with a bhaoooo and then hugs and kisses

Will I ever get a chance to keep little notes and a chocolate or two in her almirah

Will I ever open the gate for her at 12 in the night? just like each time her set of keys was forgotten at home?

As my vision blurs with pain streaming down my cheek

I also wonder who would I hug, my silent partner
Who will understand yet feign no understanding, my baby sister
Who will trudge up to me saying di, coffee? because i love coffe while she does not take a sip even
Who will pull to a stop in front of the vendor and say di, icecream? oh how she guages my urge

Who will pull out all the stops by standing up for me whenever, wherever

Who will balance it all...how on god's patch of this earth will the space ever fill up?
How in my heart will this space ever fill up

Now that you are taking her away, do treasure her the way I do, you will won't you?

Fly away my little birdie with your beau
Let the nest you build strengthen, protect, blossom and chirp with a forever togetherness

He Came; We Met; He Conquered...

He came
flashed

He spoke
unabashed

He felt
Pure

Love
Let it endure

We met
Melody

We;Our Souls
We; Our Thoughts
We; Our Hearts
We; Our Tastes
We; Our Sight
We; Us

He Conquered....................

Whale of a time!! Off to Singapore - II

2nd mar 2005 (0414hrs Indonesia Time)

1st mar 2005 (lost count of IST!)

I planned to wake up early in the morning today, but slept very late last night due to the rains. So when I did get up in the morning (very late :-!) the clock had been put forward by an hour already. and it was very smoky.

We are passing the Sumatra region...Sumatra is very hot and dry which leads to lot of forest fires. The air smelt of wood smoke in the morning and the visibility was very poor. have been seeing fishing boats throughout the day today. What a contrast to the rains last night. It was just awesome...with nothing but water around you...Force 6 wind blowing in your face...raindrops were falling on my head...lalalala :-)

Also this was one of the more affected areas due to the earthquake and tsunami...Crew here says that they saw bodies floating all over during that voyage of theirs. PONL Colombo had just sailed from Colombo when tsunami had started, but the impact of tsunami is least felt by those in the middle of the sea than those close to the shores.

In fact also got to know that the vessel I am on actually killed a whale on one of its voyages. The whale got stuck in Bulbao's Bow. The crew could not understand why her speed was not as it should be. They checked out all over the place until, they realised that there was something stuck at the bow!! They tried to free the poor creature, but couldn't manage in time enough. These are indeed hazards of misusing nature in nature's context.

Coming to food :-)

vegetarian food? well the cook here is sweet and tries to make separate veg food, but I end up having soups, brown bread, salads, nutella ummmm...fruit icecreams, mayonnaise, thousand island dressing over everything, wine...if you notice..hehehehe...all things fatty save the wine :-P

Other than that you only have lots of beef, ham, sausages, fish etc etc etc....

Anyhow...i cooked in the galley today! They only had hamburger for lunch, so me went ahead and told them that i wanna make aloo ki tikki to make veg hamburger ;-)

Those people had no idea what a veg hamburger is :-o!!!

Preparing aloo ki tikki in the galley

Am sure have gained atleast 2 kilos here with cheese/mayonnaise/nutella over everything/icecreams with less ice more cream..or so it seems after i have had my fill ;-)

It 0930 pm Malaysian time. We are nearing Port Kelang now. the coast is glittering with lights all over...gotta go up on the bridge as do not want to miss anything.

In about half an hour, the pilot will berth the vessel. Am excited about the operations that take place right from the time the pilot comes on board till the time of berthing, so for now am off

Bye and take care

Lots of love

Me!

Ahoy PONL Colombo!! Off to Singapore - I

1st mar 2005 (01:37 hrs IST)

1st mar 2005 (03:57 hrs Somewhere in the middle of Indian Ocean Time!)

Port of Singapore Authority

Boy oh Boy!

35 berths!!

Dear Mummy,

Hope you had a great birthday. heard that Nunu had baked a delicious cake for you, which I missed on :-(. But it was lovely to have been able to wish you over phone from the middle of Indian Ocean. Its been really great fun and miss you all.

I am writing this from on the ship "PONL Colombo". To just give you a brief on what's it been like this past week:

Left Kolkata on the 24th. Reached Mumbai and was there till 25th. Flew for Colombo at 0345 hrs (what an ungodly hour! why can't airlines have better flying hours!). Reached Colombo at 0645 hrs Colombo is 20 min ahead of us. (Just to give you an idea of how time literally flies :-) we have already put forward our watches twice, by one hour each, since we sailed! And now we are 2 hours 20 min ahead of IST)

My colleague, Garima, who is the other management trainee on board with me, reached Colombo later than I did. We had just about 2 hours to go around Colombo. So we decided to board a local bus and went out for Sri Lankan supper/dinner at a local restaurant- Crescat. Enjoyed the meal and the music. Was extremely spicy!!

From the time we started sailing to now, its been 3 days on board the ship. She is 23 years old but has been sailing pretty good except for a hitch here and a hitch there.. (pssst...we were adrift for an hour in the middle of nowhere because of engine problems!!!) But overall has been a smoooth and reeeeally eggciting sailing...

Peek preview ??

dolphins...flying fish...
beautiful sunsets... amazing early mornings...

clear night skies...full of innumerable stars....absolutely clear..feels like heaven at times...milky way streaking across the sky...bright and white as milk, so appropriately named..

can stand on the sides forever, feeling the wind in my face...

looking at l'il white horses being formed out of small frothy waves...

see her cutting clean and clear through the waters...smoooooooth
Swanky and swift passenger liners...

Huge and Slow tankers...

Just like us cargo ships...and car carriers..

and yesss a YATCH right in the middle of the sea some 100s of nautical miles away from land!!

Bridge watch, plotting positions, setting course, using the sextant to find your latitudinal position, the gyrometer to get the Azimuth and even steering the ship :-)...
Engine room (hot and sweaty!), to the fore and the aft, portside and starboard side,

some 70 feet above water level on the bridge....and 15 feet below water level next to Ballast tanks and steering gear, propellers...

even sewage tanks eeeyuck!

logging reefers (refrigerated containers-they bring us a lot of money),under the deck, over the deck, hatch covers,
repair works...lot more.

Dutch officers ;-) and Indonesian crew
Baywatch :-P Bar, movies, free drinks and farewell parties...phew!

Using Gyrometer for measuring Azimuth

Johan-My Dutch Crush

But obviously not as swanky as cruises, after all this is a container cargo ship. . not a joyride aboard..but its fun to be right in the middle of nowhere for so many days (though can't imagine how the sailors manage for so many days like this. Must be quite boring if the trip is extended or a more frequented one)

Will berth at our first port of call after sailing from Colombo- Port Kelang, 3rd mar 0000hrs and reach Singapore on 4th 0100 hrs.

At Sea Me!

*********************************************************************************

Don't have much to do

My second day in the new company
And don't have much to do
They say, "Its the honeymoon period baby,
Enjoy while it lasts till there is not much ado!"

Standing at the head of a new career
Yet don't have much to do
Its nice but just too quiet around here
Starting afresh anew

At times I wonder why this peace
As don't have much to do
Wonder when this quiet will cease
I want to be busy too!

Seems like the calm before the storm
Still don't have much to do
They say it is a much welcome norm
Later you won't have time as you report to all those who's who!!

On second thoughts this break is welcome
Am glad don't have much to do
I can blog right now while all is mum
Later may not have time to type a word or two!!

So here I am completing my drafts
And posting them while this quiet lasts
With so many thoughts coming my way
Wonder if I can still say
Don't have much to do!!!

hehehe! an empty mind is a kid's workshop :)
I enjoyed writing this seeming nonsense and thanks for bearing it!!

Tum Bano Khushi

Tum bano khushi kisi ki,
Kisi ke namkeen neer mein mithi muskarahat bharo
Kisi ke berang jeevan ko rangeen karo
Ye zindagi bahaut hai chhoti
Isse jitni khushbuyen, jitne rang, jitne swad
Le sako le lo, de sako de do

Tum bano woh khushi ki
Karahta hua jab dard
Dard se bhara hua jab dard
Apne dard se chhutkara paane aaye
Tab bhar do uska bhi daaman khud se
Itni khushiyan do ki dard apna wajood hi bhool jaye!

Weaker Sex / Stronger Sex / Equals or Confused??

Writing this because today I felt bad about having done something which I did not rectify immediately and which made me realise how selfish I was in that moment.

I travel between my workplace and hometown for work using shared cabs. That is the only way to travel for lack of a proper public transport, unless you are driving by yourself. I don't prefer the second option because its crazy driving through a perpetually jammed road. So everyone wishing to head back home from Delhi, waits for these cabs at a common point.

It usually gets late for me by the time I leave office and reach this point. And more often than not females to males ratio is very low. Today, it was zero...

As I waited for a cab to come, I saw the number of people waiting, like me, increasing. Time ticked, number of men increased and hopes of getting a cab kept decreasing.

Finally...a cab, with a capacity to carry just 5 people, did stop. All the men rushed forward to take available seats, as much as I did. I was eyeing the front seat to avoid getting squashed in an all men's backseat!! But another man reached out for the front gate and almost got into it, when the girl in me requested him to sit at the back (which was slowly getting filled). Poor fellow actually got out, but by that time the backseat to was full and the cab started

I felt pathetic at having taken advantage (in a way) of my girl status, to gain the seat, while he got left behind. Even though I know that it would not have beeen prudent for me to have fitted myself in the backseat with men floating all around, still felt wretched at having used my weaker sex status to gain something from someone who had already claimed it.

Its amazing how we actually use this factor- being a girl- to our advantage most of the times. Sometimes by using the "weak" status of women-Be it in the bus to gain a lady's seat, or in front of the ticket counters to avoid standing in the long queue, or to get parking in better spots!! and at other times by asserting our "Equal to Men"/ "Stronger" status- the feminist.

Am sure the opposite sex could not be more confused about the definition of weak, strong and equals! or maybe we are the ones confused about it!!!!

Wondering if you may have come across instances where we confuse ourselves into being weak/strong/ equal t men, depending on the situation. For starters:

• How many of us have actually gotten up to give a seat in the bus to an old lady/man? I hope quite a few. I do this more often than not.
• How many of us having actually gotten up to give a seat in the bus to a young man. Am sure none. Me neither!
• How many times have you decided to give Lady's Line a pass and actually stood in the long queues for that railway/airline/movie ticket?

My God - Me Part 2

Today had a discussion with my colleague on my post "MY GOD - ME"
Thoroughly enjoyed the dialogue, and thanks to Vamsi, I got to understand my thoughts even better as I debated with him..Following are the excerpts (modified to the extent of removing typos. which are an oft repeated phenomena while chatting!)

vamsi: ok your blog MY GOD - ME
what according to you is god?

Life: power within

vamsi: do you pray

Life: yes

vamsi: if you have the power within you then whats the need of praying

Life: the need is to keep echoing to yourself about this power
if you say you are powerless, well you are powerless

vamsi: do you go 2 temple

Life: depends for me even the sun is energy which is yet again the power within

vamsi: yes or no

Life: i even go to gurudwaras, mosques, churches, leave alone temples

vamsi: ok to keep echoing 2 urself ....is it necessary 2 go to temples

Life: no

vamsi: then why do you go

Life: who said that i go to echo myself, not at all
remember i said god is the power within.
within u, within me
within people around
within dogs
within birds
within living and non living
as i said for me even sun is power within
power within ALL
power even within ur thoughts that are flowing now
and the thoughts that i am right now putting through
both are godly
both are power within u and me and now power between us as we share each others thoughts :)

vamsi: quote:the need is to keep echoing to yourself abt this power....

Life: yes, so?
please revisit each thing that have said
its the power within
need to echo to MYSELF this power
which power?
power within
within who?
did i specify ONLY the power within MYSELF?
no

vamsi: thats what i am askin when you are the god ....
so u dont know what power you are havin?

Life: yes because YOUR god is what you make of yourself
if you think you are powerless so shall be your god
because it is the power 'within'
the day you decide to reach within and shake this feeling of powerlessness...well that is the moment your god becomes powerful once again because then the very decision to
not remain powerless anymore is enough to make you powerful :)

Your Deepest Crevices...

Can I visit your deepest crevices....?
coz its there that you have your deepest fears,
your darkest secrets,
where you are most alone...
and its there where i'd like to share your loneliness...

I desire you to fill them with my thoughts,
so that each time you visit your deepest crevice,
i fill up your senses....

Your deepest crevices...
i want to make them mine..

Why does love hurt?

"Do i trust myself enough to fight with my thoughts which are out in the open..... Can i really handle them"
..........
..........
..........
I have no idea why i wrote what i did in those dots and so many other etceteras....
I may be opening myself to a lot of hurt....rejection, refusal...

Each time I think of you...the pain pierces through my palms, my fingers...
My heart beats so hard that it hurts me...
It becomes hard for me to breath....
And I get goose pimples........
Yet I wish this hurt be mine...
..........
..........
..........
Still wondering shud i send this to you or not......
Whether its one other time where i shud be prepared to get hurt.....?

Sure of myself....unsure of whats in store.....

Me....

My God - Me

Yes HE is in Ignorance too...

What is God but the power within,
Who is god but you..

If you choose to be ignorant...your god will be ignorant too.

If you make yourself unattainable your god will be so.

If you are your own expectation then god is too just your expectation.

Yes, you are bang on..when you say "Maybe he is not in anything and in everything"-
He is the "thing" and "no-thing" all simultaneously so...
because without the "thing", "no-thing" has no identity

Are you, your capability, your wish, to make your dream come true, beyond you?
If yes, its beyond your god too..

because my man,
God is none other
God is but you...

Sometimes....

Sometimes you meet some people who...
Understand
your silence...
your unspoken gestures...
your tone...

Understand
your thoughts...
your fears...
your deepest realms...

Understand
the shiver within...
the look in your eyes,
the language they speak....

And then sometimes...of these people you meet some'one' who...
Understands
the tremor of your heartbeat...
the language of your heart..

That is the beginning of...
a yearning to know,
a desire to understand
the language of his heartbeat

and when you do...
from some 'one' he becomes "the one"

Restless Peace

Wondering who I am?
--Restless Peace

Peace...in Pieces...
Restless, searching...
Wondering which piece without will bring peace within
The piece which will bring peace...does it lie deep within?

...restless for peace..still searching...

Restless Piece...
Restless Peace...